It's Beautiful

Birds chirp and squirrels rummage through garbage but more importantly, people are having sexual intercourse. Everywhere!

In homes, cheap hotels, and abandoned vehicles, as well as in the park and in the alleyway by my front door.

I love warm weather. And all of this makes me extremely happy-that my alley is “a safe place” where two people can come together in the physical manifestation of what is, no doubt, a meaningful relationship. My alleyway is the perfect, tucked away locale for such a sublime outdoor experience on a peaceful summer's eve. It also makes me happy that these people are, apparently, using protection. My alley is littered with condoms and condom wrappers. Mostly Lifestyles.

This knowledge, a negligible PGW bill, and the opportunity to wear shorts, all make me happy. I realize how much I love Philadelphia and the fact that I live in such a loving community, even if the unions at my front door are often between two males and usually anal in nature.

It makes me “less happy” that, more often than not, one of the people having sex in my alley is a crack whore. Making me unhappier still, is the pile of human shit left on my sidewalk in the morning.

But I don’t complain. It’s beautiful outside.

Hey!

You and I don't get along that well.

In fact, I have trouble looking at you out of fear that I might be tempted to relate to you or otherwise engage in your world of deception, evil and catty bullshit. On occasion I have forced myself to make small talk with you-out of some silly, self-imposed obligation to seem professional. These conversations were extremely difficult for a number of reasons, the most significant of which is the fact that you probably you don’t understand anything about me.

And I why should I expect you to understand me?
You suck and I do not; therefore, we have nothing in common.

For your clarification, here are a few important things about me that may aid you in understanding where I stand in relation to you. Use them as a roadmap; not for further conversation, but rather, to help you to not suck so much.

-I can, and sometimes do, read.

-That sound that follows me wherever I go: It’s the sound of most other people laughing at the joke that you don’t think is funny.

-I don’t know anything about horse racing.

-My laughter is sincere. My smile is not.

- Its okay for me to make fun of myself. It is not okay for you to make fun of me.

-The only time I ever went to a country club, I was wearing a tux and handing out meat cubes.

-I believe in the value of the work I do- even if I get paid in jellybeans and have to wear a foam octopus on my head.

On a positive note, I want to thank you for sucking so deeply and truly. Your fervent sucking underscores how awesome I am in comparison and makes the boring, yet inoffensive individuals in my life seem that much more agreeable.

Best,

Olga