Kind Sir,
Occasionally I suffer from pressure and discomfort associated with gas.
Of that, I am not ashamed.
As you are now aware, I ensure that no one else is affected by my gastro-intestinal distress by taking ant-acid tablets, which I think I accidentally dropped on the floor at your house.
What you may not realize is that Extra Strength Cherry-Crème Chewable Gas-X does not grow on trees.
I know you are apprehensive about confronting me regarding this loss because you are probably very stoned and have discovered that Cherry Gas-X is extremely delicious. Nevertheless, it would mean a lot to me if you would return my 18 tablet solution to mild discomfort so that I can continue my pursuit of gas-free lifestyle.
Yours,
Occasionally I suffer from pressure and discomfort associated with gas.
Of that, I am not ashamed.
As you are now aware, I ensure that no one else is affected by my gastro-intestinal distress by taking ant-acid tablets, which I think I accidentally dropped on the floor at your house.
What you may not realize is that Extra Strength Cherry-Crème Chewable Gas-X does not grow on trees.
I know you are apprehensive about confronting me regarding this loss because you are probably very stoned and have discovered that Cherry Gas-X is extremely delicious. Nevertheless, it would mean a lot to me if you would return my 18 tablet solution to mild discomfort so that I can continue my pursuit of gas-free lifestyle.
Yours,
Lady at Large
2 comments:
Miss,
When I found your partially consumed Cherry Creme Chewable Gas-x package this morning on the floor of my living room, the haze of the previous night's enstonement immediately dissipated, replaced by the gripping fear that its presence there, rather than a product of momentary carelessness and haste when you reached for the pepper spray *under* it in your handbag, was actually a sly commentary on my Taco Bell Seven Layer Burrito-induced gastro-intestinal disaster, a suggestion that, to put it succinctly, for the sake of sociability at least!, something in this godforsaken gut of mine should be X-ed. I will return it forthwith.
Wow Kind Sir,
Fear not my discriminating eye, sharp wit, or Mace when it comes to matters of the gastro-intestinal sort.
You are a delightful human being and will be justly rewarded.
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