10.20.2007

Dear Lord:

I haven’t prayed since I was I was six-years-old and foolish enough to believe that if I asked you for a 24 pack of crayons and a dirt bike, the next day you might deliver.

Now I know better. I know that if I am ever going to buy into you, I need to pray for more important things; things that no human being could ever deliver on – like clearing up the acne around my chin. I’ll save that for a time when I’ve been especially good. In the meantime, I think the best way for you and I to get reacquainted would me for me to start giving thanks for all that I’ve gained since we last spoke.

Thanks for that snow day. And thanks for giving me my health. I don’t take for granted that I haven’t lost both my legs, all my parts work, and that, technically, I don't have VD.
Thank you for giving me friends. Thank you for my Mom and Dad. Thank you for Stars and Stripes Fruit Mist Tangerine Lime Naturally Flavored Sparkling Water Beverage.

I guess that’s about it.

Later I'll hit you up with some of the things I need forgiveness for. Until then, please keep my legs in tact. Oh, and please bless all the people that matter.


-Olga

10.14.2007

Tiny Things

Top Reasons to Carry a Tiny Dog
1. To distract others from your fat, stupid face.
2. To finally have a reason to buy tiny clothes.
3. Companionship.
4. To have something to distract yourself and others from your sick, miserable lives.
5.To study how to bite the hands off of small children and bark incessantly.



Top Reasons Why People With Tiny Dogs Make Me Sad
1. Because they suck.
2. Because both tiny dogs in handbags and their owners waste valuable natural resources, contribute to global warming and take too much time ordering very complicated beverages at Starbucks.
3. Because for the price of one tiny dog, in a tiny sweater, in a leather handbag, one could sponsor 4 Sudanese children for a year, covering the cost of food, clothing, and a mediocre Christian education.
4. One tiny dog could probably feed at least 2 hungry aforementioned children for a day.
5. Because I heard somewhere that our purchases reflect our values; hence, decadent, useless and ugly things: like Chihuahuas in tutus are generally in poor taste. Like powdered wigs.