Top Reasons to Carry a Tiny Dog1. To distract others from your fat, stupid face.
2. To finally have a reason to buy tiny clothes.
3. Companionship.
4. To have something to distract yourself and others from your sick, miserable lives.
5.To study how to bite the hands off of small children and bark incessantly.
Top Reasons Why People With Tiny Dogs Make Me Sad
1. Because they suck.
2. Because both tiny dogs in handbags and their owners waste valuable natural resources, contribute to global warming and take too much time ordering very complicated beverages at Starbucks.
3. Because for the price of one tiny dog, in a tiny sweater, in a leather handbag, one could sponsor 4 Sudanese children for a year, covering the cost of food, clothing, and a mediocre Christian education.
4. One tiny dog could probably feed at least 2 hungry aforementioned children for a day.
5. Because I heard somewhere that our purchases reflect our values; hence, decadent, useless and ugly things: like Chihuahuas in tutus are generally in poor taste. Like powdered wigs.
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