Scenario 1. My boss needs a hot tea. NOW. I go to the microwave to heat up the water and discover a 4-week-old kitten living inside. There is no time to think.
I place the cup of water in the microwave with the kitten and close the door.
I try heating up the water for thirty seconds. Beep Beep Beep.
I try heating up the water for thirty seconds. Beep Beep Beep.
The kitten is alive. But the water is luke warm.
I try sixty seconds. Beep Beep Beep
The kitten is screaming. The water is warmish.
I try ninety seconds. Beep Beep Beep
Scenario 2. Gino, a 43 year old divorcee and father of two, is driving me around on a vintage Honda. He yells in my ear, "Is this as good for you as it is for me!?" I pretend I can't hear him. He repeats, " Is this as good for you as it is for me!?" He installs a shitty clutch cable, then emails me for the next two years about getting another ride and a tune up.
Scenario 2. Gino, a 43 year old divorcee and father of two, is driving me around on a vintage Honda. He yells in my ear, "Is this as good for you as it is for me!?" I pretend I can't hear him. He repeats, " Is this as good for you as it is for me!?" He installs a shitty clutch cable, then emails me for the next two years about getting another ride and a tune up.
Scenario 3. It's Friday night. I'm hanging out at a bar with my friends, who are a married couple, and getting relationship advice over Budwieser and calamari.
He says: If you want a man to notice you, buy him a bagel. If you want a man to date, find a foreigner who desperately wants a greencard.
She says: Stay away from men. They are stupid. You can always substitute the happiness they bring to you with fried food and trips to Burlington Coat Factory.
Scenario 4. I look in the mirror. My teeth are falling out. I'm pregnant. I have the baby and it fits in my palm. I have to keep it alive. It's shaking and crying. Before I can give it CPR, it turns into a kitten.
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